1 bacon, 2 eggs, 144,000 pieces of toast

So it’s the day before the world ends, and all this week I’ve been dreaming of food.  Mostly food I don’t eat in waking life, or if I do, it’s odd (who in their right mind only orders 1 piece of bacon at a diner, then questions the cashier to make sure their not asking me out on a date?  Sorry, I’m taken)

Bend has been having a windstorm all night.  I can’t sleep at night and cant stay awake during the day, and that Cure song is playing in my head “the wind is blowing like it’s the end of the world, you said….”  That is, when I can get Immortal Technique out of my head.  I don’t really have my hopes up, but however the world decides to end, I couldn’t be more ready.

I’d like to say I’m not apocalyptic, but my life has really been apocalyptic from the beginning.  I was raised in a very separatist fundamentalist community, studying the book of Revelations word for word more than once by the time I hit puberty.  My world was a world of NO FUTURE, and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s deeply imbedded in my psychology.  So when ancient civilizations and handfuls of indigenous cultures point to RIGHT NOW as the end of this world, it’ hard for me to not feel a lifetime of expectation.

Of course, we have big plans for 2013, and after tomorrow, there’ll be no stopping me.  But right now I can only seem to live in this moment.  The sunrise over the high desert, the roads shinning like an ice skating rink, the wind as restless as my soul.  What a world!?  So much beauty, and so many bat-shit crazy human beings wrecking the place like zombies. Somethings got to give, right?  Not just economic and ecological systems, but something in the mind.  Half animal, half god; what the hell are we doing here?  I gave up the fundamentalism half my life ago, but the terror of my youth has blossomed into a desperate desire for whatever is coming to just get here:  collapse, pole-shift, earthquakes, Nefilim, Anunnaki, Jesus Christ, Plumed Serpents.  I’m first in line for whatever, please, anything.  I’m certainly not afraid to die, but I cannot cling to this world as it is.  So after tomorrow, all bets are off.

Really, I live my life with deep concern for the next 20,000 years (4 world-ages, if you will).  Not much of an eschatology.  I don’t believe in the end.  But a change of worlds?  Yes please!  I’ve had enough.  I’m going to dream impossible dreams.  Many of our ancestors considered the nightmares we’ve live through “impossible”.  But all nightmares have come true, so what does that say about anything being “impossible”?  If corruption can be this all-consuming, if everything can be turned into a toxic mimic of itself, then through either balance or transcendence, we can neither escape the Incorruptibility.  Perhaps the Gnostics were on to something.  But I’m done waiting.  Whatever is coming is here.  And I think we’re just going to have to be it ourselves.  We are the apocalypse – what could be more apocalyptic than telling our own truth, staying true to our own experiences despite the politics of dominant culture:

“An apocalypse (Ancient Greekἀποκάλυψις apocálypsis, from ἀπό and καλύπτω meaning ‘un-covering’), translated literally from Greek, is a disclosure of knowledge, hidden from humanity in an era dominated by falsehood and misconception, i.e., a lifting of the veil or revelation”

This world is horseshit.  And everybody knows it.  From the medical industry to organized religions to the “growth” economy to media and governments, who believes a word of it anymore?  No one who’s not been completely severed from their humanity, severed from the Earth who gave us our DNA (unless we’re half extraterrestrial, but, you know….at this point, who’s side are you on?  Epigenetically, we’re all earthling).  So who are we really?  What are we doing here?  Why all the suffering?  I don’t think we’re here to be fearful, confused, and insecure.  How bad does it have to get before we realize we’re dreaming this nightmare ourselves?  I’ll take all the cosmic intervention I can get, but if I’m awake, it’s because I made the choice to wake up.  And really, I’d rather be dead than go along with the collective nightmare of the age.  So if the world is still here on December 22nd, I am going to be the Apocalypse.  Our kingdom come.  And thy will be done in heaven as it is down here.  “You are wrong, Samael!”  I will stand unrepentant before their blind god.  Really, I’ve got nothing better to do.

The Dzogchen tradition of Tibetan Buddhism considers this life to be as “unreal” as a dream.  Or, as I see it, dreams are as real as waking physical reality.  The point is to take both very seriously, but not to be so serious about either (especially if you’re only dreaming about eating gluten-free pastries….yuck).  And in this cosmology, there is neither an end or a beginning, just a change of worlds.  All of our ancestors knew this prior to civilizing or colonization or whatever you want to call the amnesia that has taken over the world.  This life has become a tragic joke.  We have all the knowledge we need to live beautiful, perfectly healthy lives on this Earth, but the politics of the age forbids it, and has killed time and time aging to force their delusions on the whole planet.  Blind gods, no to mention heartless.  And to what degree do we reproduce their reality for them?  Too much in my life, way too much.  So here’s to impermanence!  Either the Maya, Hopi, Pueblo, Dene, ancient Vedics, Gnostics, Buddhists, and most every prophet or psychic that has ever lived are all wrong, (and Western materialists are the only ones who don’t have their heads up their asses….lol), or this is it and time is finally on out side.

In the study of near-death experiences, children since the early 80’s who have had NDE’s very often come back from the ‘other side’ claiming that they are here for the great changes that will occur, not so much leading up to 2012, but from 2013 to 2029.  Who would want to be here for the tragic end of the world?  Just rapture my soul and get me more channels on my flat-screen in my mansion in heaven.  Yeah, it must just be a collective hallucination, right?  And the terror of my childhood has made me want to believe in apocalyptic fantasies just to validate some trauma subconsciously.  Sure.  Back to business as usual.  Just sit on our asses and wait for the New Jerusalem or the New World Order.

Or, all bets are off, and we realize we make this Earth heaven or hell. We choose.  Do you want to half-ass your wildest dreams?  Be a puritan or a hedonist and blame everyone else for your misery.  Or do we want to be the virus in their Matrix?  What fun!  (Did you know that viruses are increasingly being recognized by science as a function of the immune system?  Viruses have cured cancer.  Think about that….)  I think the time to escape life is over, and the time to be all here has come.  No judgements, just empathy.  The beauty of this planet and this waking physical reality is my dream, it’s the only heaven I want.  So quit making it hell.  I quit.

Perhaps our planet is about to have a near-death experience.  Bring it on!  Industrial civilization is eradicating life faster that all 5 previous mass extinctions, so at what point do we leave the body and see the Light?  And will our ancestors tell us to go back because there is still work to do?  And perhaps we can learn that being in a physical body is wonderful and fun and absolutely worth it (certain Gnostics, Christians and Buddhists be damned).

So all I want and all I’ve got is this dreaming, awake or asleep.  Let’s make Cascadia the truth we know in our hearts, and the truth that this land tells us, in spite of the shit we’ve been force-fed.  Let politics be our enemy, and our own truth and wildest dreams be our allies.  Let our emotional Ice Age melt.  Let their poisons be our medicine.  And let’s remember our ancestors, their slavery and tortures and faithful struggles, and live the lives they hoped and fought for.  Could it all be for nothing?  We are them, you know, as we will be the children living in the dream of the future that we create, together.

Remember, all is fair in love and war, and this is both.



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